Seriously...

Well, well, well. It's been a good... I don't know, 9 months since I have let anyone know anything on this blog...?

I guess I'm going to have to start with moving up here to Oregon. Yes, Oregon.

I am working as the District Music Teacher in Tulelake, California.

Yes, there are people in California north of Redding.
No, you cannot possibly get any farther north than Tulelake, CA and still be in California.

Tulelake is a town of about 1,000 people. So, I decided that perhaps it would be best if I lived in the nearest civilization that had a Wal Mart... and some stop lights. Hence... Klamath Falls, Oregon. With no sales tax and where the vehicle registration is cheaper and lasts longer...

I have to mention that while I "live" in Klamath Falls, the majority of my life has developed in Tulelake. I find this incredibly ironic since I thought my best chances at having a "life" would be in Klamath Falls. I eat, sleep, and go to church in Klamath. That's about it.

Obviously, my job is in Tule. But my friends (who happen to be my colleagues) are in Tule... with exception of those I have met at the Singles Branch. And my boyfriend is in Tule. Actually... he pretty much lives ten seconds away from the State Line. Seriously. I told you... you can't get any further north in California than Tule. (He also volunteers on the ambulance among about ten billion other things and is quite possibly, the best person I've met...)

I do like living in Klamath, however. The half hour drive is a really nice prep in the morning, and unwind on the way home. If I lived in Tulelake I don't think I'd ever stop working. Which apparently is a problem some first year teachers have. It's a couple of weeks into the fourth quarter and I'm just now feeling like I have found my groove in all of my classes... don't make fun. I will NOT burn out. Burning out is no bueno.

Anyway...

I teach a wide variety of music education.

Everyday I start with my High School Band... which consists of ten 7th graders, one 8th grader and three 11th graders. I love them. Although I have been starting sentences with "I thought I asked you to leave the obnoxious seventh grade boy trait at the door..." but, hey, it's both out of exasperation and affection...

I have a 6th grade Advanced Band who are rather gifted. But if you were to ask me which age group I have felt the most growing pains with... it would be the 6th grade. In particular, the Advanced Band. Rough transition, but really great kids with wonderful potential.

And my 5th Grade Beginning Band is very typical. When I think of all the progress we have made (in only two full quarters at the moment since we started in October due to my late hire), it blows my mind. However, there was a point where I would have imploded if I had to explain Space Face, Every Good Boy Does Fine, All Cows Eat Grass and Gummy Bears Do Fly Airplanes another time...

I see every grade a the Elementary School (K-6) weekly for a general music class. And there's a crap load of potential in having that as part of my assignment. Just think... not having to introduce notated music in Beginning Band for the first time ever. It's exciting stuff, let me tell ya... 

And, holy cow, my favorite class the last few months have been my Second Graders. Smart cookies, they are. And they love to sing. It's a wonderful balance.

I also teach the entire 4th grade Violin. Which has been quite an adventure, but in a good way.

PLUS they renewed my contract for next year. Which means, I get another year to show how important Music Ed is and give everyone in the community a reason to be proud of their children involved.

Enough about my job, though. That's just standard operating procedure: catch everyone up... check.

What I want to write about this afternoon is that if you were to ask me, nine months ago, if I were to feel this much better about pretty much EVERYTHING... I would've laughed, almost bitterly. 

Which brings me to say that I know people around my age, the people that are trying to figure out what to do with their lives, are struggling. It felt like everything after my college graduation was just a gigantic struggle. With the glaringly obvious exception of my experience student teaching. But my health, the state of my emotions, what I thought of myself, and trying to find a job... that crap can tear you down.

Now I feel like I'm standing on the other side of the fence marked "Doing What You Love to Do," so I can say that it does get better. If you don't give up, things get better. There's an answer out there for you. But I also know that if you allow yourself to be tied down by "what if"s and toxic relationships of any kind, you will never be open to the new people and the new experiences that can enrich your life. The kind of people that make you look back and go, "I was settling for that?" or "All of the sudden not only is all the struggling worth it, but it's all okay. I'm not angry anymore. I don't hurt anymore."

It's just advice from a 24 yr-old first-year Music Teacher, but sometimes the right decisions are the ones that make you cry, and hurt the most. But, a very dear man in my life has said to me multiple times, sometimes the risks have the most rewards in the end. 

It breaks my heart to see some of my friends be okay with coming up short, or settling for meaningless affection or meaningless anything. In the same breath, it drives me crazy when said friends complain about being unhappy.

You have to power to change your life around. Grow up. Make the hard choices. Cry about them. Kick and scream, I don't care. Just shed yourself of the crap and get further in your life.

*sighs*

The End.