It's been a while, and I honestly haven't wanted to share what's been going on in my life the last few months or so. But this week my parents are at the beach, camping. And I'm here watching Marley and taking care of the house.
And because I'm STILL in what I call "a transition" between graduating from SUU and FINALLY finishing my teaching license stuff and being a cotton pickin' adult (with a job and bills and my own dog), I haven't had a lot going on on a daily basis.
So this morning I read something off of Zooey Deschanel's facebook (oddly enough). P.S. She would be the actress I would want to play me if my life ever turned into a TV Show (Music of Our Lives) or a Movie. Tina Fey would be Tamara... anyway... not the point....
Link to Article
Read it if you want, or not. But it talks about this amazing gorgeous supermodel, Kate Upton, and how there is a community blog about being skinny. And on said blog they called Upton a squished brick.
While reading that article I started thinking about my friends. Because I have quite a few friends who are trying, nay, struggling to lose weight. I find myself having a lot of conversations recently about dieting, and exercising and feeling like a beached whale. My advice has always been the same. But before I get to that I do have my own theories and thoughts on society and what we consider to be attractive.
As a woman of 6'1" I feel huge. All the time. I'm never sure what to do with my elbows or my knees. This leaks over in how I feel about dating. I need to feel smaller, and therefore more feminine, than the guy I am with. In fact, it feels amazing to me. And "tall" is another characteristic just like "nice" or "funny" that I look for in guys. Because I think it's incredibly sexy. I am aware that it's also a societal norm. It's just sort of... not normal to see a tall girl be with a guy who is shorter than her. Perhaps just a smidge shorter, but not more than one or two inches.
But, a few years ago I had this horrid thought flit across my mind and it was stuck on repeat. Not only was I taller than most guys, I was getting a little heavy. And I kid you not... that felt about 20 times worse than knowing I will never be shorter.
So, I decided to do something about it. And, like every other woman I know, I tried two things. Dieting and Exercising.
Most of you who bother to read this blog already know how I feel about both of those. I hate both of them. I love me some Pizza. And some Dr. freaking Pepper. And some Chocolate. And I would rather die than be all hot and sweaty enough times a week to burn off the fat on my body for fast results. I freaking hate sweating. And when I do physical activities simply to lose weight I get really disinterested and kind of moody.
I tried to give up all of that for a month (back in the early months of 2010) and I hated every single second of it. I hated getting up early to work out, and I hated the work out in and of itself. And, for the love, I just wanted some Dr. Pepper. Without the side of guilt, please!
A day not too far in the future from that point I remembered something that changed the way I approached things. I took a Nutrition class when I was a Sophomore at SUU, and most of the science stuff was over my head BUT I do remember my professor saying something along these lines:
*** That losing weight is simply a matter of burning off more calories than consumed. And you can eat anything you want, in moderation, without it severely affecting your body.***
So I literally said "To hell with the dieting and exercising. It's time to make some real life changes." Because, let's face it. How many of us who are in the position of needing to lose weight really WANT to exercise three or four times a week? I have NEVER done that. I don't WANT to do that.
So I'm not going to.
Instead, I made smaller decisions. Like making sure I got ready for my early classes more consistently on time so that I could walk to class instead of drive. I do love walking - especially around SUU and in Cedar City. I decided I needed to stop eating when I was bored - to eat when I was hungry and stop when I was full. To not eat late at night.
I could go into more details but that's not my point. I started losing the weight, and developing habits that will help keep me on the thin side for my entire life.
I don't weigh myself, but I have gone down in everything clothing by one size. But it did something else for me, too. I stand up straighter, I walk into a room with more confidence. I feel better, because I'm more healthy.
But with that comes exceptions. Sometimes I still feel huge - probably because I tower over most other women. But I'm still not what some people would call skinny.
My feisty side says "I'm skinny enough." But I know how hard that is to say when it really counts.
So. All of this leads up to my question: Why do we do this to ourselves? Why are my beautiful friends killing themselves to be thin, but once they stop dieting and exercising they gain in ALL BACK... and then some?
What kind of life can you live with that kind of pressure?
I was talking to my cousin the other day in the pool, and she said "Katy, I didn't even realize how small I was when I was small." And we're talking about a 60lb difference between her when she was "small" and her now. She was also talking about how she has no more motivation, but came to a conclusion: that she was going to "think skinny."
And I've got another friend who has her own blog about losing weight, and some of the first things she posted were about how hard it was for her to stay motivated because she wasn't seeing the results she wanted. And how difficult it is on her to make the changes.
And sometimes when I look in the mirror all I see are the places on my body that have fat. The stretch marks that I say "are because I shot up like a weed" when I grew up to make myself feel better (even though that is the truth). And how much it bothers me that my mom says things to people that imply I am chunky, or that I will never be "skinny," because of the way I'm built?
And then to read that there are people out there who think that Kate Upton looks like a squashed brick? If that gorgeous, curvy woman is a squashed brick.... dear lord, what am I? What are my kind-hearted, beautiful, warm, and talented friends? ...Beached Whales?
Excuse my language. But whoever said that can go to Hell.
So, ladies. Here's my mantra:
- Lose weight for no one else but you.
- Make decisions that will aid in keeping you healthy for the rest of your life.
- Eat the chocolate, and the pizza, and the CARBS!!! But in moderation.
- Eat your veggies :P
- Stay active. Don't be a couch potato (although that's what I'm doing currently)
And when you lose your first 10lbs, or your last 10lbs, or when you go down a size in your clothing: Celebrate what you accomplished. Have a cupcake! Whatever!!!
Surround yourself with positive influences, and don't put a ridiculous amount of pressure on yourself.
A woman who loves herself and is confident and classy is more attractive than the skinniest, boniest girl out there who still thinks she's not thin enough.
And, you know. Having curves won't kill you either. :)
LOVE!
