Tonight I find myself in a predicament. It's late, I'm tired, and I'm upset. During sunshine hours the upset part wouldn't be bothering me too much. However, like magic, when the sun goes down I become a crazy emotional basketcase.
I haven't made up my mind to actually ramble during this blog, or blog about what is bothering me.
How about I make a list. A list of the 5 things I overthink of the most at night? Yeah, that sounds mildly entertaining...
1. Magnum's behavior before he falls asleep which is nice and loud. Grooming himself, readjusting how he's on his pet bed, and yawning. Really... the grooming thing drives me CRAZY.... but he's sweet and falls asleep with his black Kong Ball. And sometimes, like last night, I wake up and the only part of him that's on his pet bed is his butt and hind legs... which it hysterical. I love my dog, and his returned love is a welcome consistent thing in my life.
2. My job. I probably think far too much about my job on a regular basis, but it's just because I care so much about it. School's gonna start up again soon and I'm having to make some decisions and sometimes it takes me a while to land on the one idea/plan that feels right... in my gut. Those are always the best ideas...
3. My love life. This ranges the two extremes ... "I'm so glad that I'm not tied up in someone else's life at the moment when my life is so crazy" to "I am so lonley, why does no one love me?" And everything in between. Lately the realization I have admitted to myself is definitely NOT helping. And people in happy dating relationships piss me off just by existing. Conclusion: my heart hurts too much at night.
4. The mind battle of "I should lose weight" to "I should love my body the way it is." Nuff said, ladies? Everyone has this one.
5. What is going on tomorrow. For example, I have to go up to Klamath in the morning and I have spent too much time realizing and thinking about how many bugs are smashed onto the Jeep. And whether or not I should clean it multiple times because every time I come home from Klamath it's like I didn't wash my car at all...
Honorary Mention: THE MEANING OF LIFE!
I'm sure most of you can relate....
That is all.
Saturday, August 2, 2014
Sunday, July 20, 2014
Rage Blog: Expectations and Rom-Coms
So, if you are anything like me, you will probably identify with the subject of this blog.
I stream Netflix more than anyone really should - and the other day I was "in the mood" for a Romantic Comedy. I found a cute movie staring Haley Duff called "The Wedding Pact" and proceeded to sort of waste about an hour and a half of my life.
This particular movie is about a boy and girl who were best friends in college and the poor guy was never given the chance by the girl to date, but, of course, she loved him and she came up with this stupid pact that if they were both un-married in ten years, they would just you know... marry each other. Not the brightest idea in the world but hey, plot.
And of course it all works out. And it just... pissed me off. Let me tell you the extent of my dating life. From the ages of 0-24, I was single. Well I had a "boyfriend" when I was a tween but I was SO shy I couldn't even talk to him so I don't count him as an adult anymore. I dated a guy throughout 2013 and it didn't work out because he and I didn't want the same things out of life. And then I met a guy online who I thought was pretty wonderful... until he chickened out on me one too many times. And if I 'm 100% honest with myself, and with you (whomever may read this), I have on-again off-again feelings for a man... going on like 7 yrs here people... If my life were a romantic comedy I would not have had to force the off-switch. Whatever that means.
Here's the thing that made me upset with "The Wedding Pact." I have spent the vast majority of my life watching romantic comedies that have set up completely unrealistic expectations of men in my life. When a guy I really cared about moved across the country, I wanted him to make US happen despite the odds and the difficulty. I wanted to inspire my ex-boyfriend to put me where I belonged in his life. I wanted my online beau to be a as brave as I was.
I wanted all these men to step up to the plate, and do some huge romantic gesture - because I think that I'm worth someone leaping through figurative fiery hoops of death for. The reality is, I've been disappointed - all because of the unrealistic expectations that Romantic Comedies have instilled in my estrogen ruled brain.
But, wait a minute, that can't be all true, can it? I mean, let's be honest here, a lot can be realistically done without being melodramatic and meeting at the top of the Empire State Building right? And... quite frankly, the idea that I shouldn't have ANY expectations of people is really lame. So let's explore what COULD have been done in some instances that include me and my other girl friend.
I've got an easy one: my online beau could have TOLD me that he didn't want to meet me. Instead I had to get pretty darn cranky and then... I love this part... interpret silence. And subsequently feel like an idiot.
An old friend of mine, too, has been blown off recently in a similar manner. Often blind-sided, and with a serious lack of closure. Here's a quick part of our conversation:
Her: "So this past week I texted him on Monday asking when I was going to see him again and I didn't hear from him... So I texted him on Thursday and asked him if I was ever going to see him again, trying to be all joking-like."
Me: "I don't like where this is going...."
Her: "He proceeds to tell me that he's met up with someone from his past. But he feels really guilty cause I was so amazing and sweet and beautiful."
Me: "I'll telepathically kill him if you want me to.... and if you were so amazing why did he have no problem blowing you off?"
So. My point is... maybe the huge romantic gestures are NOT realistic... but I believe common decency is. And not stringing us ladies along... because I can tell you without hesitation that I'd rather be told something that hurts my feelings and that I don't necessarily want to hear... over being left to wonder what the heck is going on. Because that's super degrading and shame on you... internet beau of mine, and the other guy from my friends' love life... shame on you for not having the courage within yourself, or the respect for me and my friend to tell us the truth. For making us have to defend and stick up for ourselves.
I stream Netflix more than anyone really should - and the other day I was "in the mood" for a Romantic Comedy. I found a cute movie staring Haley Duff called "The Wedding Pact" and proceeded to sort of waste about an hour and a half of my life.
This particular movie is about a boy and girl who were best friends in college and the poor guy was never given the chance by the girl to date, but, of course, she loved him and she came up with this stupid pact that if they were both un-married in ten years, they would just you know... marry each other. Not the brightest idea in the world but hey, plot.
And of course it all works out. And it just... pissed me off. Let me tell you the extent of my dating life. From the ages of 0-24, I was single. Well I had a "boyfriend" when I was a tween but I was SO shy I couldn't even talk to him so I don't count him as an adult anymore. I dated a guy throughout 2013 and it didn't work out because he and I didn't want the same things out of life. And then I met a guy online who I thought was pretty wonderful... until he chickened out on me one too many times. And if I 'm 100% honest with myself, and with you (whomever may read this), I have on-again off-again feelings for a man... going on like 7 yrs here people... If my life were a romantic comedy I would not have had to force the off-switch. Whatever that means.
Here's the thing that made me upset with "The Wedding Pact." I have spent the vast majority of my life watching romantic comedies that have set up completely unrealistic expectations of men in my life. When a guy I really cared about moved across the country, I wanted him to make US happen despite the odds and the difficulty. I wanted to inspire my ex-boyfriend to put me where I belonged in his life. I wanted my online beau to be a as brave as I was.
I wanted all these men to step up to the plate, and do some huge romantic gesture - because I think that I'm worth someone leaping through figurative fiery hoops of death for. The reality is, I've been disappointed - all because of the unrealistic expectations that Romantic Comedies have instilled in my estrogen ruled brain.
But, wait a minute, that can't be all true, can it? I mean, let's be honest here, a lot can be realistically done without being melodramatic and meeting at the top of the Empire State Building right? And... quite frankly, the idea that I shouldn't have ANY expectations of people is really lame. So let's explore what COULD have been done in some instances that include me and my other girl friend.
I've got an easy one: my online beau could have TOLD me that he didn't want to meet me. Instead I had to get pretty darn cranky and then... I love this part... interpret silence. And subsequently feel like an idiot.
An old friend of mine, too, has been blown off recently in a similar manner. Often blind-sided, and with a serious lack of closure. Here's a quick part of our conversation:
Her: "So this past week I texted him on Monday asking when I was going to see him again and I didn't hear from him... So I texted him on Thursday and asked him if I was ever going to see him again, trying to be all joking-like."
Me: "I don't like where this is going...."
Her: "He proceeds to tell me that he's met up with someone from his past. But he feels really guilty cause I was so amazing and sweet and beautiful."
Me: "I'll telepathically kill him if you want me to.... and if you were so amazing why did he have no problem blowing you off?"
This "blowing off" happened after almost two months of constant communication and effort made on both sides to spend time with each other.
So. My point is... maybe the huge romantic gestures are NOT realistic... but I believe common decency is. And not stringing us ladies along... because I can tell you without hesitation that I'd rather be told something that hurts my feelings and that I don't necessarily want to hear... over being left to wonder what the heck is going on. Because that's super degrading and shame on you... internet beau of mine, and the other guy from my friends' love life... shame on you for not having the courage within yourself, or the respect for me and my friend to tell us the truth. For making us have to defend and stick up for ourselves.
That is all.
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