I don't know how many of you formally or consciously set New Year Resolutions, but I know without a shadow of a doubt... that I am not one of those people.
My resolutions in the past have been absurd; ranging from "I will not have any missing assignments" in my 7th grade science class to, "I will go to the gym three times a week."
I had many more missing assignments, and I hate going to the gym - I truly don't enjoy sweating.
As 2017 wrapped up I realized there was a lot going on in my life that I didn't have the energy to deal with. I was at a new job - one that is far more intellectually, emotionally and professionally demanding than I have previously had to deal with - and I felt very alone in my own personal life.
I realize that I'm not very alone. I have many close and dear friends who I can lean on, and hopefully they can lean on me as well. But what I didn't like was this weird pressure I noticed I put on myself. Part of it was that I had a hard time cutting myself some dang slack, but there was something else -- something even now I can't necessarily put my finger on.
Perhaps I have a problem - and perhaps I have finally gained enough life experience to learn something vitally important to being a happy, functioning adult. I would consider myself someone who lives for the ideal situations... and I foolishly think I can control my surrounding enough to force them into that territory: where everything is perfect, fair ... and I am the judge of what that is.
My bestie, who lives in Tennessee (boo the year 2017 FYI), once gave me a piece of advice. At the time I almost scoffed at this, but it's something that has oddly never left me. I was complaining about how dating totally sucks (because it totally does), and she started talking about the kind of vibes we put out into the universe.
You see, I'm one of those people that wants the perfect scenario and whatever that is, I think waiting around for it to suddenly... happen... is worth all the time spent not being what I want it to be. Yikes... that's a mouthful at the very least. I hope you caught my meaning...
As 2017 wrapped up and 2018 kicked off I kept processing this piece of advice. It has been a game changer. And I inadvertently adopted a resolution that seems to be sticking. Even now I can't figure out how to really wrap it up in one awesome statement - I'm not even sure if I'm making sense. But it is helping. It is inspiring me to self reflect on a level I haven't had to do in years, maybe ever.
It's a combination of truly, deeply and genuinely letting go of things I seem to be waiting around to be magically "fixed," - taking them for what they are and moving forward in a way that makes sense to me. To help put to rest parts of my conflicted soul. Cut my losses. Embrace the openness in it's absence.
My 2018 is about learning how to be vulnerable in a way that makes me brave. Creating boundaries. Making memories. Changing the energy I'm giving out into the universe so that, maybe, one day the universe will see fit to change what is in store for me.
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