So... it's been a while. A little over three months. I don't really know where to start but I do know that if there is such a thing that resembles a universal list of reasons to do things and reason to not do things I want to add these reasons if they are not currently already there:
Not Approved Reasons:
- Because of someone else.
Approved Reasons:
- Moving forward... even though it feels like there's an imaginary fist twisting my heart in my chest.- Because the alternative makes me want to vomit.
I guess these are left up to individual opinions and circumstances. But I think they may be pretty universal. I've recently developed some more pet peeves as well. The reigning pet peeve is still: Cell phones during rehearsal. Makes the conductor turn into something that looks like this:
The new and very relative pet peeve: when people don't listen to what I say to them. Any more explanation is too annoying for me to want to type and too personal to share on the internet anyway.
Along the same lines... I substitute teach in the PP Schools. For those of you who don't know, or perhaps needs reminding. I grew up in.... da da-da daaaaa..... Barstow, CA
And went to College in the very beautiful Cedar City, UT
However, now, I live here: Pittsburgh, PA
The schools are just a wee bit different. Right off the bat, guys, if I wanted to I could work five days a week subbing. In Iron County I was told to not expect too many jobs.
Anyway, the point that I'm trying to make is - you know, it takes a special educator to work inner-city schools. It takes an even more special, or perhaps, more desperate, human being to want to sub inner-city schools for longer than what is absolutely necessary.
I say this all, and think of all the really good schools I've seen. But my first two experiences were down right frightening. And every time I sub kids in high school all I hear is the F-bomb and the African American students in the room referring to themselves and their friends as "niggas."
I can't stand that. Both words make my ears want to BLEED and the double standard on the second is too much for me to handle...
All Day. And some of the students get really pissed at me for getting on their case about it. Some students have attempted to turn it around on me. Which they don't get away with or succeed at. And others give me an excuse that seriously makes me sad for them "We're black... you can't ask us not to talk like that."
When that happens I usually try to just breathe. But honestly, I think at THAT particular comment I rolled my eyes.
On a more positive note (I get here eventually) I do like my job at Barnes and Noble. My co-workers are very kind and fun people. I've had a couple of rough shifts, but for the most part I do not have a problem whatsoever. Ignoring a few bumps in the road with getting recommendation for licensure from SUU... things are going well on that front currently.
You know, I feel like this has been a rather depressing blog, but the last five months or so have been rather depressing. And if I look back as far as my student teaching I was kind of depressed then, too. Don't get me wrong... my student teaching is such a bright spot when I think about college and well... anything after May 2011. But when I would get home from student teaching... it sucked. *shrugs*
To be perfectly honest I find myself thinking about last Spring and how I couldn't wait for the semester to end... couldn't wait to graduate. Am I a freaking idiot? *shakes head* I do, however, have hope (in fact I'm really confident in this) that I will be able to find a job somewhere and I'll be doing something I want to do. Something that has some forward direction.
Ha... I've been terminating a lot of stuff lately...
I'm really looking forward to going to Virginia next weekend. I'm going to a career fair and will see some family. I don't really want to pay for the gas, but doing something like that is really just an investment into finding a job. Gotta do what I gotta do.
And at the end of the month, the same day as BRANDON! (LOL) I am taking the cotton pickin' PLT... FINALLY. Grew tired of asking my parents for financial support. It's also just a big pain in the butt. Oddly enough though, the job fair and the prospect of having to study and take that last Praxis test... I'm finding it very calming.
Probably because it's familiar... haven't had too much of that lately...
A few weeks ago I felt like I had a routine going and time was passing quickly and things were rolling. Then I had to... well. That's not important.
And now that I have efficiently rambled on and on and on... I think I'm done :)
No comments:
Post a Comment